I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
