I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
