I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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