the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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