The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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