My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
