some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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