We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bring me that man meat
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
