There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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