Already got asked if we're dating
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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