I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
