Pappa wants mamma naked
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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