I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
