I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
