i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
