I am puke
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
