sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
