I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
