ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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