She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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