it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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