We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i drank out of a bidet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
