I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
