Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need water and some morals
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
