we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
