I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
