were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
