I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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