We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
