just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
