I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
