my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
