my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
