Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
