at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
