He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
