You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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