I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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