You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
