What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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