The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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