dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
