so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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