you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
