i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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