She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
