My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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