All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
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