Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
