i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
