My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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