I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
