Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
