also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
