all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
